ATTENTION FELLOW ANGLERS & HEDONISTS:
Are you sick and damn tired of fishing societies catering to yuppies and scientific 50's-type "anglers" who own boats equipped with onboard computers, sonar fish finders, and tandem outboards. Effete snobs who fish with sanitized bait? The kind of fisherman who releases perfectly edible fish in the name of sportsmanship? Are you the kind of angler who keeps every fish regardless of size? Are you one of those intrepid souls who continue to fish until you literally pass out from sheer intoxication? Do you fish with baits that offend people of every religious and ethnic persuasion? WE THOUGHT SO!!!

WE WANT YOU! To become a member of America's most offensive group of partying fishermen ...

THE SOCIETY OF PRIMITIVE ANGLERS, LTD.

The Society of Primitive Anglers is, without doubt, the most indiscriminate, insensitive, intimidating, and intoxicated group of outdoor enthusiasts ever to bait a hook (fly-fishing being for effeminate types who don't like getting their hands dirty or their hair mussed). We pride ourselves on being able to fish under conditions that would send the average person reeling in abject disgust. How, you may wonder, are we able to tackle such rigorous undertakings? The answer is as eloquent as it is simple ... THE POWER OF POSITIVE INEBRIATION!

Recent scientific studies have proven our long-held belief that sobriety and fishing simply do not mix. Our own club studies prove that intoxication causes a dramatic increase in the number AND SIZE of fish caught, and our field research is continuing at an alarming pace. Participating in such worthwhile research is just one of the many benefits of membership in the Society. We also support other community causes such as: A) The repeal of discriminatory "Boating Under the Influence" laws; B) Elimination of archaic creel laws and size limits on all species of fish; AND C) Loosening the restrictions on the use of Class 3 explosives for recreational and sporting purposes.

If you agree that sobriety in fishing must be stamped out; that the time has come for fishing to return to the proud, intoxicating pastime that it once was. If you believe that lily-livered yuppies and their pleasantly scented tackle have no place in modern angling AND you are willing to support that belief through any means necessary - Then WE WANT YOU ... as a member of The Society of Primitive Anglers, Ltd. Please print, then fill out the application on the "Join the Society" page - then mail it to us at -

- to become a member of America's most notorious group of partying fishermen.

 FISHIN' PRIDE - FISHIN' PROUD!

Hugh G. Rection - Club Coroner
Heywood Jablowmi - Master Baiter